well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
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