I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
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Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
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For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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