I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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