I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize