You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
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You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
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We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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