wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I look excited, but its just a facade.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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