Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize