Michael Bay diarrhea
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You took a bar mat shot.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Randomize