i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
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2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He did a backflip because drugs
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