He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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