I met the friendliest cop last night
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize