Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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