put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
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In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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