I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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