I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize