I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
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Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
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You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm too high and old for this...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize