why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
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