You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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