I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize