I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Go christen that room with your naked body.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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