I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
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I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
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Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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