i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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