I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize