don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize