some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize