my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
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Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
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I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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