Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize