if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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