lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
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My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
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I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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