I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You are a genius and a whore.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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