i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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