Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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