Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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