i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
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I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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