her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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