If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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