Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize