you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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