i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
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Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
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there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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