My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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