[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
don't judge my taste in strippers
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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