have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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