yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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