the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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