Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
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Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
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There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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