Are we in a gay sports bar?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
God I need to hump something, right now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize