goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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