I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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