I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize