I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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